And so, the first week of school draws itself to a close. Well, technically it’s already the second week of school but I don’t think that last week counts since the whole three days of it were spent on orientations.

You see, I’m one of those unfortunate ones who have the pleasure of having to go to school on Saturdays. And it’s not just for lecture classes too, where, you know, we get to sit all day inside air conditioned rooms. No siree, we have to be on duty where ever we’re assigned. That means that we have to be standing, walking and moving around most of the time, and, if the patient’s condition needs it, we can have extensions for God-knows-how-long.

So what can I say about the whole experience? Well, only one question comes to mind (mostly because the professors keep on badgering us about this): why am I here?

Well, because I can.

Sadly no other reason comes to my mind. I don’t hate the course; else I’d have dropped out long ago. I don’t feel ecstatic about it either, else I wouldn’t be groaning and/or rolling my eyes each time a professor says, “by this time, you should have learned to appreciate and love nursing”.

Bleh.

That’s kind of the problem: I still haven’t learned to do that trick and I don’t think I ever will, too. I’m just here because I can. I haven’t failed a course yet, and I do relatively well when it comes to ward duties, so I’m not about to be actually forcedout. I have yet to experience failure in this course and as long as I keep on studying, put some bit of effort, I don’t think I’ll flunk out.

Last year, I think I had the drive to do it all, to force that amount of willpower because I saw it as a challenge, as an Everest to be conquered. Then I got more into it, not noticing that it wasn’t actually the thing for me, because I was too busy. And too tired. Yeah, mostly too tired.

But now, I’ve had all this free time to think, to reflect, to re-evaluate, I’m lost. Suddenly all of these doors started opening in front of me and I don’t know which one to pick.

I’m not really passionate about anything yet, and, unfortunately, at this point, all that I’m holding onto is my writing. And I’m not eve good at it yet.

Frustration. Frustration.

This might just be pre-graduation jitters or whatever, but I seriously don’t know what to do. I’m confused and at the same time I’m sure that I want to become a writer.

Help, anyone?