I’ve always been in love with the moon, in all its forms.  But I’m particularly attached to its crescent and full forms; they’re always just too pretty.  I guess in a sense I am a lunatic, that I am sort of obsessed with its eternally changing face. 

I remember when I was undergoing that inhumane process of puberty I attributed the mood swings to the phases of the moon.  Silly, I know, but I felt that much connected to it.  And then came in the werewolf phase; I didn’t figure myself to be one, mind you, but I was semi-obsessed with them and their dealings with that big chunk of rock out there. 

Anyway this topic was brought up because tonight, as I was washing my face in the upstairs bathroom, I happened to look up, and lo, there it was, reflected on the smallest pane of the window: the blushing face of the full moon.  These days I’m lucky if I know what day it is so these things serve as tiny reminders as to what part of the month it is already.

I feel like I’m connected to the moon somehow.  No, don’t call the asylum guys yet; I’m not crazy.  I think.  It’s just that the moon sort of knows how to cheer me up.  It’s just always there, waiting, during the days I most need comfort. I can recount many memories when I’ve had a bad day

There’re those instances of course when I’m just walking home from somewhere and I just can’t help but notice the presence of the full moon.  I’d literally walk the rest of the way with my head craned up, mesmerized at the sheer beauty of it.  Then there was the time on the train, when I was so tired and pissed off because this lady literally shoved me out of the way to get to a free seat.  I was just standing there, Ipod ear buds in my ears, and then BAM! I look up and I see the biggest full moon I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  It was as big as our dinner plate and as red as diluted blood.  Needless to say I almost missed my stop because I was drooling over the image.

Moments like those and the one I just had tonight are constants in my life right now.  It’s like a game of peek-a-boo now, where I’m continually surprised at the sight of the moon even though it’s basically just there, hanging on the sky.  

Say what you will but I’ll take this particular occurrence tonight as a gesture of comfort from God.  I’ve received more devastating and depressing news from a friend about Makati Med. last night and against my better senses, I find myself dwelling over the news.  Even though I know it will do absolutely nothing, I can’t help but feel angry.  Angry at the particular friend, for having unbelievable luck; angry at Makati Med. for having a hiring system that I just can’t understand; and myself, for moving too slow during last year’s crunch time.   

But, it is just so good to know that I still can count on the random little things like seeing the full moon to cheer me up, as it did when life wasn’t this complicated.   Is it desperation when I cling to moments of happiness like these?  If it is, I do hope you won’t hold it against me.