I’m the type of person who doesn’t like being in the dark, figuratively speaking.  I want to be in the know about anything and everything around me because I don’t particularly relish the feeling of not being in control.  Which is not to say that I’m the take-the-reins-lead-the-way type of a person; I’m a better follower than I am a leader but still, I’d like to be informed of everything I need to know during emergency situations.

That said, I guess it’s only natural for me to feel huge waves of anxiety when I’m faced with the unknown.  I dislike the feeling of not being able to see where I’m going.  I don’t like being walking around blindfolded because I’ve got to admit, the feeling of tripping on my own two feet isn’t the greatest feeling out there.

Arguably I should’ve fallen to pieces while waiting for the results of the Nursing Licensure Exam, right?  But the thing is, even if I had failed that particular test, I still had that clear, clean path to tread.  I’d just have to pass another application and take the November exam.

But it’s nothing like that right now.  I’m feeling the heebie-jeebies because I’m about to commit myself to a job for two whole months.  It might not seem a like a lot to you, but for me it’s a big deal.  A lot can happen in two months: my NCLEX application might finally be approved or that certain hospital might even contact me.

But on the other side those things might fall through and I’d end up wasting two more months of my life doing nothing.  Which brings me to my current dilemma.  Well, not a dilemma actually, since it’s pretty much decided, but still.

I’ve decided to take on the job as a teacher’s assistant in a review center.  The only catch: the place is in Cabanatuan, which means that I have to bother my parents for a ride every so often because the carpool leaves Laguna at four-thirty in the morning.  I’d love to stop hassling my parents for things like these but I can’t, not right now. 

On the upside, I would get paid for this, even though the pay’s minimal.  And I’d get to live in Cabanatuan for a couple of months, and that’s something, right?  Also, I could sit in during the lectures and it’d count as my review for the NCLEX and that’d be free.  And let’s be honest, I could use the change of pace.

My mother’s supportive of this, but I think that’s because she’s antsy to get me out of the house already.  My father’s not totally on board with this idea because I think he thinks that it’d be a waste of time.  But I said yes to the job already and there’s no turning back now.

For the mean time, I can only sum up my feelings in one word: BLERG.