Personally I find it ridiculous that I’m mucking through this much of poo this early in the year; not that I though that 2011 would be easy, oh no, but I figured that with what momentum I had left over from the previous year, the difficulties would come April or at least May.
But no, here I am a month and a few days after the New Year (and a few days after the Lunar New Year) and already I’m struggling. There are changes happening right now and I’ve got to say, being the creature of habit that I am, I’m definitely out of whack. Which is actually a ridiculous, not to mention embarrassing point, since a few weeks ago I was so sure of where I wanted this year to go.
Right now? Well, not so much.
From what I understand the wave of changes that I was presented with were not the last, and the next wave is guaranteed to be more…earth shattering, to say the least. The initial reaction that I had was actually somewhat violent, which was sort of expected since I’m not one to handle changes quickly. I can handle them smoothly but in a span of time. It’s a weakness, I know and I am trying to work on it.
But while I haven’t reached any form of breakthrough on that particular character flaw, my mind is drifting into another life re-evaluation area.
Can I handle it? Can I trudge through? What if I can’t? Do I just drop everything? If I choose that path, what happens if in the future I find myself in the same situation? Would I quit then as well? Would this be a recurring pattern if I do choose to give up?
On the other hand, if I, to coin a phrase from some random movie, “keep on trucking” and choose to fight through, would there ever be an end point? Is there even supposed to be an end point? Are we just supposed to just say ‘yes’?
Am I asking too much questions? Am I thinking too far ahead? Are half of these questions even relevant? And most importantly, can they be answered? If so, when?
I know that I’m over thinking right now (yet another character flaw, methinks) but this is just how I digest the changes in my life. Hopefully by next week it’ll be more stable.
Also, happy birthday to my super Kuya! No seriously, my brother rocks!
