Written, directed and starred by George ‘The Silver Fox’ Clooney himself, the film promises to be a load of fun. I mentioned to my boss that I was going to see it and I think he summed it best: “It’s Ocean’s Eleven set in Nazi Germany.

Here’s my round up of The Monuments Men (2013).

Please note that there may be spoilers. Read at your own risk.

THE STORY:

It’s 1944 and museum curator Frank Stokes (George Clooney – Ocean’s Eleven, Batman and Robin) makes a plea to the president of the United States to allow him, along with a handful of men, traipse around Europe in the middle of World War Two so they could salvage and help save the artwork from the renaissance period. The handful of men, it turns out, are war rejects because either they’re too old or are physically unfit. We have hearing impaired Met curator James Granger (Matt Damon – Hereafter, The Bourne Trilogy), old men architects Richard Cambell (Bill Murray – Charlie’s Angels, Zombieland), Bob Balaban (Preston Savitz – Web Therapy) and Walter Garfield (John Goodman – Monsters University,The Flinstones), alcoholic Brit Donald Jeffries (Hugh Bonneville –Downton Abbey) and French painter Jean Claud Clermont (Jean Dujardin – The Artist, The Wolf of Wall Street). They pick up young soldier Dimitri Leonidas (Sam Epstein – Casualty) who happens to have the valuable skill of knowing how to speak German.

They seek French curator’s Clare Simone’s (Cate Blanchett – The Lord of the Rigs trilogy, The Aviator) help as she, having worked closely with Nazi Stahl, has valuable information as to where the stolen artwork are hidden.

As if things aren’t terse enough, add to the mix Russia’s own version of the relic hunters who are after the art for themselves. Met with opposition literally from all sides – the Nazi’s, the Russians and even the Allies who will not stop the fight for the sale of some paintings, can Stokes and his Monument’s Men (officially by President Roosevelt’s decree) succeed? If so, at what cost?

THE GOOD:

1. The ending. Sure, it was cheesy as hell but it did highlight the fact the film’s point. We are a generation privileged enough to see these works of art because somewhere sometime ago, somebody died for us to get that privilege. Now I really wish I could see them up close.
2. The bathroom scene where Stokes was recounting to a Nazi what he would do once he’s back home. That scene was made of pure awesomeness. It was a perfect mix of intimidating and humorous, which, let’s face it, is a difficult balance to strike.
3. That table scene in the German cottage with Stahl. I loved how quickly they turned it around from light to serious to light again. I have no idea if that was historically accurate but the bit with the kids was genius.
4. All the heartwarming scenes were strangely effective. Most notably Bill Murray’s shower scene, the scene where Garfield and Jean Claud were found in the jeep and the scene where the Madonna was stolen. I almost cried.
5. The Whole Freakin’ Cast. They were amazing in that classy, subtle, not-in-your-face type of way. There were no hams, no annoying over-actors trying to one-up each other which, with that sort of talent pool, is nothing short of amazing. I have no idea how George Clooney did it, but God bless him.

THE BAD:

1. The incredible racism. Case in point: the Russians had no dialogue and all the French men were wearing berets. I guess it’s for the benefit of the people who could only follow a movie’s story with cues like that, but come on.
   
2. Cate Blanchett being skeevy. Personally I liked her better when she was untrusting and cold because her (playing the character at least, I’m sure Cate Blanchett has better game than this) trying to hit on somebody and using the line ‘it’s Paris‘ was just sad. And pathetic. It was the only non-Nazi related scene that had me cowering in my seat.
   
3. The lack of music. It was a quiet movie and could’ve used the extra oomph from the orchestra.

THE UGLY:

1. The lack of character dialogue. I’m nitpicking but all the characters are so lovable and cute that I ended up wanting to see more of them. The montages are nice and all but I wanted to hear the banter and the witty lines. I mean, you don’t get Bill Murray just to put him in a montage.

All in all it’s a good movie. It was more tense and thrill-inducing than it had any right to be, which was a surprise. I probably had my hands over my eyes for a good quarter of the movie but I was so scared of a Nazi appearing out of nowhere and shooting their brains out. I honestly didn’t think that it would be as scared as I was but then again that’s just testament to how attached I was to the characters. Now I want to watch The Idea of March, George Clooney’s other written-directed-starred in film.

THE VERDICT: 7.8/10. See it but be prepared to be on the edge of your seat.

*All photos are lifted from the film’s IMDB page.