It’s hard to believe that it’s taken this long for this film to reach our lands.  This was exactly the type of movie that would’ve scored a lot of watchers had it made it for Lent.  But alas, due to distribution issues, Filipinos are now just getting the chance to watch Russell Crowe’s latest big budget movie four months too late.

By the way, I’ve had a lot of people come up to me to tell me that they were bored out of their skulls when they sat down to watch this.  But I decided to give it a chance since hey, it was bound to be incredibly weird because come on – it’s a Darren Aronofsky.

So here’s my round up of Aronofsky’s (the man responsible for Black Swan and The Fountain)’s Noah.

Please note that there may be spoilers.  Read at your own risk.

THE STORY:

Basically it’s a re-telling of one of the most famous stories out of the Old Testament, with a few, how shall I put it, alterations.  One being that Noah (Russell Crowe – Gladiator) descended from the line of Seth, brother of Abel, and basically represents the part of humanity who are sticking to the laws laid down by the Creator.  Cain’s descendants, however, have the defiled the earth with corruption and greediness and sin.

The Creator has showed to Noah via dreamscape that He plans to cleanse the world of all evil by sending a great storm and, with his family’s help – grandfather Methuselah (Anthony Hopkins Silence of the Lambs), wife Naameh (Jennifer Connelly – Hulk), adopted daughter Ila (Emma Watson – Harry Potter), sons Shem (Douglas Boothe – Romeo & Juliet), Hamm (Logan Lermann – The Perks of Being A Wallflower) and Japheth (Leo McHugh Carroll – Fred Claus) – Noah is to build an ark that will hold a pair of all creatures that will inhabit the new world.  Of course, Tubal-cain (Ray Winstone – Hugo), the leader of the men and the latest of Cain’s descendants, won’t stand and drown, not if he can help it.

Oh, also there are fallen angels who are stuck inside stone bodies called Watchers thrown into the mix.

THE GOOD:

1. Russell Crowe was crazy good in this movie and I for one am super glad that he’s brought his A-game here.  He didn’t say much but he was able to convey exactly how taxing this burden that was set upon him.  I mean, yeah, it probably was extremely difficult to ride on that ark and hear the anguished screams of the people outside and yet still do nothing about it because the whole point of the flood was to rid the world of sin.  That type of load would make anybody crazy.
2. The Watchers sub-plot.  A lot of my friends were weirded out by it but I actually kinda dug it.  There was actually a pretty solid logic behind the whole thing which I appreciated; even the way they died made sense and was beautiful.
3. Ray Winstone put up a pretty good match to Russell Crowe’s Noah.  There was such conviction in his eyes that for more than a couple of times I bought was he was selling.  It was a little bit ridiculous at the end how he refused to die, but I guess the character’s a survivor. 
4. There was this sequence where the evolution of man from the Big Bang Theory was narrated by the story of creation. That was really cool and it actually made sense.  It was done in such a way that wasn’t offensive at all to the purists who believed either theory.

THE BAD:

1. The barren wastelands looked cheap. I’m sorry, it’s just that those shots make the movie look like a low-budget indie film.
2. Uneven effort to age up the characters. It was quite bothersome to see Russell Crowe’s Noah have a head full of white hair and Emma Watson’s Ila grow out her locks, yet Jennifer Connely’s Naameh and Douglas Boothe’s Shem basically look the same since the first frame they entered the movie.  What gives?
3. Methuselah’s wizardly powers weren’t explained properly so he sort of became the movie’s scapegoat for plot holes.

THE UGLY

1. Incest.  Sorry, it was all I could think about during the last thirty minutes of the movie and it definitely gave me the heebie jeebies when Noah said (something along the lines of) ‘Be fruitful and multiply’.  So that’s the reason why the kiddie version of the story glossed over the specifics and just focused on the white dove with the olive leaf and the rainbow.  Huh.

All in all I found Noah to be a pretty good film.  It was long, sure, and some of the alterations does sound a bit cooky, but the story was very well thought of and the struggles of the characters were incredibly realistic.  Performances were also awesome all around, with special nods to a few people, that I really didn’t mind the 138 minute run time.  I was expecting something weird and abstract, ala-Black Swan, but instead I got something that was incredibly specific.

THE VERDICT: A solid 8/10.  Definitely worth seeing on the big screen.

*All photos are lifted from the film’s IMDB page.