Honestly speaking, this film has very little going for it. I mean, even the tag in the theatrical trailer was sort of lame: “From the studio that brought you X-Men: Days of Future Past”. Really? Really, really, really? But, call me an optimist (or an idiot), I still felt the need to see how they would try to reboot a franchise that was sorta okay, but not really quite fantastic. I remember the first one being even sorta good (although that might’ve just been from seeing the dude from Not Another Teen Movie actually be in a legit movie) and the second one being palatable.

It wasn’t until later did I find that Josh Trank, the director for one of the most surprisingly good films I’ve seen in a long while (Chronicle), was the chosen director for this rebook. Anyway, here’s the round-up:

Please note that there may be spoilers.  Read at your own risk.

THE STORY:

Reed Richards (Miles Teller – Insurgent) is your typical big fish in a small pond – too smart for his own good; he goes through a difficult childhood because none of the people from his town (from the teachers to his peers at school to his parents at home) can understand his very big ideas – building a teleporter for instance. During an attempt to steal some supplies from the local junkyard, he ends up befriending Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell – Snowpiercer), who eventually ends up being his best friend-slash-assistant during a high school science fair, where they showcase their rudimentary but totally functional teleportation device. Their teachers think that it is nothing but a magic trick but Dr. Franklin Storm (Reg E. Cathey – House of Cards) and his brilliant adopted daughter Sue Storm (Kate Mara – Transcendence) are impressed. Dr. Storm offers Reed a scholarship and a chance to work with Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell – Dawn of the Planet of the Apes), a recluse. When they do eventually end up building a life size functional model that can transport living organisms to another dimension, with the help of Dr. Storm’s biological son Johnny (Michael B. Jordan – Chronicle), the team ends up being disappointed when NASA and the government step in to reap all the benefits of their research. In a fit of rebellion, Victor, Reed, Ben and Johnny drunkenly decide to be the first humans to cross over to the other side, where they soon find that they may have bitten off more than they can handle.

THE GOOD:

1. Reg E. Cathey probably gave out the strongest and most realistic performance in the film. His role was a bit sucky, because he ended up being the narrative plot device, but there was little doubt that Dr. Storm cared very deeply for his children.
2. I liked how the other dimension looked, and that scene where they were first exploring the terrain was the most memorable (for me) in the movie. The film often tripped over itself trying to over complicate the scientific aspects of the story but they left the mystery of the other dimension untouched, making it a tad bit more of a special place.
3. Doom was actually pretty badass. He was a thinly written villain because he was an ass for no reason, but his powers and his general look were actually cool.
4. I did like how they got their powers. It was original, at least.

THE BAD:

1. The Thing had no pants. Sorry, but it was very distracting O_O.
2. The stupid montages of how the science got done. The whole thing just felt very run-of-the-mill that it led me to question just how smart these kids were. They were supposed to be geniuses (or at least hyper-smart) but it didn’t feel like they were doing anything special.
3. The glaring misuse of the “It’s clobbering time!” catch phrase. It was said only once in the whole film, and it wasn’t said by the Thing.
4. Kate Mara’s Sue Storm was just bleeeeehh. The character was already bland to begin with but her acting was so stiff and so boring. I never thought I’d see the day when Jessica Alba would give a better portrayal of a character.
5. I have a very hard time believing Miles Teller is one of the good guys. Sure, I can buy the whole I’m a genius thing, but him as a nice guy?

   

THE UGLY:

1. The actors had very little chemistry with each other. I was actually shocked at how disconnected they all were from one another, considering that the relationships in Chronicle were built on even less ground than this but reading about the troubled production of this film sort of explained it.
2. The story was just flat as fuck. There was no excitement, no thrill, no real danger of anything bad happening to the world. Even when the world was about to end, I was yawning and checking my watch.
3. The cringe-worthy scene when they came up with the group’s name. Lord.

All in all, Fantastic Four was a boring movie, which is probably the meanest thing I could say about a film. Performances were sub-par, considering the cast and it was sort of obvious that the actors were a little bit uncomfortable with their characters. The film, apparently, was riddled with production troubles and that really could be felt in the end product. It was brilliant at times, even reminiscent of what made Chronicle so appealing, but it was obvious that the story made way for the studio ordered reshoots. The director actually tweeted that he had a better movie a year ago days before the world release. That’s how bad it was.

THE VERDICT: 4/10

*All photos are lifted from the Fantastic Four’s IMDB page.