I was really young when the first Jurassic Park came out. All I remember from it was that it had the same vibe as Jaws – very scary but everybody who you grew to care for ended up being alive.

I was sort of on the fence whether I wanted to see Colin Trevorrow’s (Safety Not Guaranteed) fifth installment to the franchise. I mean, yeah, sure, Spielberg still signed on as a producer but it’s not really the same, now is it? If anything the Spielberg name is like the kiss of death to films these days – most movies he’s involved with end up being shit, in my opinion. In the end it was Chris Pratt that got me buying the ticket. I was curious to see how he’d handle himself in a big, big action movie as a solo lead.

Here’s the round-up of Jurassic World:

Please note that there may be spoilers.  Read at your own risk.

THE STORY:

Brothers Zach (Nick Robinson – Melissa & Joey) and Gray (Ty Simpkins – Insidious) are going through a sucky time: their parents are going through a divorce and while things get finalized, their mom Karen (Judy Greer – Ant-Man) sends them off for a holiday with their Aunt Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard – Hereafter), one of the big wigs of the dinosaur theme park Jurassic World. Problem is, dear Aunt Claire is a workaholic and is too busy running around trying to make sure that the park’s latest attraction, the Indominus Rex – a one of a kind, genetically modified dinosaur – gets enough investors. Adding to her stress is the park’s owner Masrani (Irrfan Khan – Life of Pi) who orders her to have the local Raptor trainer Owen (Chris Pratt – Guardians of the Galaxy) inspect their I. Rex before she is released to the public. Not only is Owen the most egotistical man Claire has ever met, their first date also didn’t go very well. But when the I. Rex breaks loose from her captivity and both her nephews are reported to be missing, Owen is Claire’s best bet in getting them back alive.

THE GOOD:

1. Chris Pratt held his own quite nicely as a solo leading man. This movie will definitely cement his name on Hollywood’s Hall of Fame of A-list actors, which will not only benefit him, but also the other comedians out there (ex: Paul Rudd). Although I can’t help but think: is this movie his audition piece as the next Indiana Jones? I mean, that would certainly explain the vest.
2. The Indominus Rex. I liked the idea of a hyper-intelligent dinosaur that is not only incredibly massive, but also has the ability to camouflage its thermal emissions. It’s attractive to me because as far as threats go, the I. Rex is definitely above the humans on the food chain.
3. The technological advancements of the park. They were cool and I so can’t wait for that gyrosphere thing to go public.
4. The park’s control room because it looks like something that NASA built. I wonder if Disney World’s control room looks like that.

THE BAD:

1. Claire’s white outfit, because really, who wears an all white power suit in the middle of the tropics?
2. The stunted chemistry between the male and female leads. I wish they didn’t push it; the movie was clearly gunning for the familial feels and they were doing well on that front. There really was no need for a romantic angle between two actors who have zero chemistry together.
3. They should’ve gone with the ‘weaponized dinosaurs for military use’ plot arc. Mostly because it was a more interesting story to tell, although admittedly I’m not sure how that’ll work on the big screen.
4. It wasn’t very scary. The only real scary moment for me was the scene where the I. Rex was sniffing and sniffing for Chris Pratt’s Owen so he had no choice but to douse himself with gasoline to mask his scent. And even then I was only afraid that he would accidentally set himself on fire.

THE UGLY:

1. The film felt disjointed, with lots of things not making sense why they were put there in the first place. This was explained, however, by my reading of the film’s IMDB trivia page: a shit load of scenes in this movie was either blatant references or actual mimicry of from the earlier films. Paying homage to a classic movie is one thing, but outright ripping off of classic sequences is another. I’m sure die-hard fans of the prequels would catch those references but for people like me who don’t remember, they were just awkward.

   

2. That ending. Yeah, yeah, it was cool and all but who came up with the idea of letting the T-Rex fight with the I. Rex, a twelve year old? You give us a hyper-intelligent genetically modified killer and then you give us a dinosaur wrestling match. I’m sorry if my expectations were a bit high and thought that since you gifted the main ‘villain’ intellect, you’d defeat it with intellect as well. Pfft. Thanks, Hollywood.

All in all, Jurassic World was a bleh movie. It didn’t really give off much of an impression, and after finding the huge list of allusions to the earlier films, most of the impression it left me was that it was a lame copy of the original. Maybe Spielberg, being one of the producers, pushed on recreating a lot of the scenes from the first movie, in the hopes of making this one likeable. I don’t know. Performances were a lot better than the material required and it’s a shame that the talent of this cast was wasted on this hooey.

THE VERDICT: 5/10

*All photos are lifted from Jurassic World’s IMDB page.