Aah, and it finally draws to an end. While I’m very happy that they didn’t stretch the third installment into two movies, a part of me is kind of sad that the Fifty Shades Trilogy is over; watching the films has become an annual tradition with A and now I have to be on the lookout for another sucky movie franchise to latch on to.

Here’s my round up of James Foley’s Fifty Shades Freed (2018).

Please note that there may be spoilers.  Read at your own risk.

THE STORY:

The movie opens up with the Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) – Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) nuptial and very quickly goes into a ridiculously beautiful montage of Europe because, of course, the Greys are gonna honeymoon in France. Unfortunately, Ana and Christian’s newly wedded bliss is cut short when they find that Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson), Ana’s former boss, is still out to get them.

THE GOOD:

1. Ellie Goulding!!! The fact that they played Love Me Like You Do to close out the entire series, at least for me, was pure genius! Say what you will, but that song is just the perfect send off for this ridiculous story. I’m even going to go out on a limb and say that the whole song made the entire movie. Sure, the soundtrack for this movie is still good (Danny Elfman, come on) but that one song is the definition of the story.
2. Dakota Johnson is noticeably hotter in this installment. While she’s definitely toner, there’s also something else that I can’t put my finger on that changed. A reckons she darkened her hair color, but I can’t tell the difference.

   

3. Something actually happens in this movie, PRAISE JESUS. After two prequels where absolutely nothing happens, I am elated that there’s an actual plot this time. While much of the focus is still on the train wreck of a relationship that is Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, something else happens in this one! Hoorah!

   

THE BAD:

1. Christian Grey = Donald Trump? It’s a random thought that popped into my head mid-movie because aren’t they kind of the same? Ultra-rich psychopaths who are so narcissistic that they HAVE to have their name on everything? I mean, even the screen of the security panel had GREY on it. And he did throw a tantrum when she didn’t immediately take his last name…

   

2. THAT’S STILL NOT HOW THE WORLD WORKS, ANA. So she just got back from her fabulous wedding and her fabulous honeymoon and on her first day, she’s shocked to learn that she got promoted. You know, while she was out of the office. Say it with me: ??!??!? And she had the gall to be insulted when other people insinuate that she only got the job because she’s slept with the dude who owns the company. She doesn’t even have a computer on her desk, for cripes’ sake!
3. The sex is still pretty meh. I feel like I’m beleaguering the point here, but where’s the kink? They’re still pretty much stuck on the bondage and the blindfold at this point and while the third movie has upped the game slightly by involving more toys, the hottest thing we see onscreen is Ana and Christian doing it in a car.

THE UGLY:

1. It’s still such a fucked up relationship, though. Let’s face it, Christian Grey will never grow out of his possessive tendencies (he doesn’t even seem to want to, honestly) and I am truly scared of how he’s going to handle his affections for his offspring. God, can you imagine how he’ll be at the parent-teacher meetings? *shudder* Also, I honestly can’t imagine that their marriage would last very long. They were only a few weeks into it when they were already talking about divorce and that’s never a good sign, right? Anastasia and Christian also have this horrible habit of not talking about important things. Case in point: they got married first before they even talked about their opinions on having kids.

   

2. Considering the stressful first trimester, that kid’s going to be so fucked up when he grows up.

All in all, James Foley’s Fifty Shades Freed (2018) was an okay movie. I know, I can’t believe I’m saying that either but horrible story from the books aside, it was an all right film. The action sequences were thrilling enough and performances were generally okay (I think they might even have the sex scenes down – they’re nowhere near as awkward as the scenes in the first movie). It also helped that the main story of this movie was NOT about Ana and Christian hee-hawing about their relationship. I suppose once they sort of got over themselves, there was enough space in the movie for things to actually happen. While it’s not the best film out there, I wouldn’t also call it the worst.

THE VERDICT: 6.5/10

*All photos are lifted from the Fifty Shades Freed (2018 ‘s IMDB page.