I am a creature of comfort, one that instinctively opposes change, any kind of change, be it one that will bring out good results or bad.  I’d usually end up fighting, kicking and biting the whole way towards said change, even if it only involved switching brands of toothpaste in our bathroom. 

It is this little quirk that gets me behind times.  It takes me at least a week of deep rumination to consider the pros and cons of whichever decision I need to make, and at least another five more days to think of the steps I need to take to achieve said goals. 

So when my mother came into my room late last night, telling me that she’s spoken with this hospital human resource big-shot in our neighborhood who tells her that all I needed to do was submit a resume among other necessary documents and I’ve had that golden ticket out of bumhood, I’m hoping that you understand why I didn’t jump around my room, screaming for joy. 

Here was an opportunity that might just possibly change my life, as I know it.  I’ve spent way too many months being a bum and a burden to my parents and I feel guilty as hell, but I’ve got to admit: I’ve grown used to it.  I’ve already made all these plans of bettering myself physically, literally and spiritually, plans that took me weeks to strategize. 

I understand that I’m just delaying the inevitable and might possibly even hurt my chances at a decent job in a hospital (of my choice, I’ve heard), but every instinct ingrained my person screams against this step.  It might just be irrational pigheadedness, but still it’s there, screeching at me and I can’t make it stop that easily. 

Besides, I actually have legit reasons for not welcoming this offer with open arms:

1.  I’ve long learned that promises like these usually fall through.  And I totally understand why.  I mean, who am I to this HR big shot anyway?  My mother’s only just met her over a religious thing and I don’t even know what she looks like, so why would she go that extra length for me?  I know it sounds extremely negative but with the intense matters such as these, could you really blame me for being a little bit skeptical of a person (I literally don’t know)’s abilities?

2.  Also, accepting this offer just feels like cheating.  If I take it, I’ll be that person who grabs onto a lifeline that wasn’t thrown at her.  Every moral fiber in my body screams that I don’t deserve this because I haven’t worked hard enough for it and it just kills me that somebody as prideful as my mother is prodding me to take it.

Unfortunately, I also have two very valid (in my mind) reasons to do it:

1.  It’s an opportunity and it’s part of the new me to say yes to each and every opportunity that crosses my path. 

2.  There’s also the matter of the unknown.  Who knows where this might lead?  This unknown person might just pull through and I might find myself with a job after a couple of months.

Being twenty-one sucks.  It’s that age where one crosses the protective barriers of one’s school and home to enter the “real world”, where every lesson you taught to you about “right and wrong” is put to the test at every single opportunity.

I know, I know.  I’m twenty-one, almost twenty-two.  Time for me to suck it up.