I know that it’s part of my New Year’s resolution to be more religious and all, but lately, for some reason, I’m just not buying it.  I mean, don’t get me wrong or anything, I still believe in the fact that there is some kind of higher power up there somewhere.  After all, it’s not possible for anything to exist unless someone or something decided that that anything should exist. 

Sure, one could argue that everything was just one freak accident, but I don’t believe that.  All it takes is one glance around one’s surroundings one would be a believer; nothing this logical or this beautiful could be a freak accident.

Anyway, as I was saying, I do believe that there is a God/god up there somewhere.  What I’m having trouble with right about now is the whole organized religion thing, specifically the one I belong to, the Roman Catholicism.  I suppose it’s just the part of me that’s clamoring to break free from all restrictions, but I just don’t believe in it anymore.  Just like that, it’s gone.

A couple of weeks ago I got into a quasi-argument with a colleague about religion.  Honestly speaking, I wasn’t really disagreeing with the stuff she’s promoting (she was all for the Catholic Church) but seeing that condescending look on her face got to me.  I’m pretty sure that she didn’t mean it, but that’s just what I hate about every religious fanatic out there: that air of condescension they always seem to have when they’re talking to somebody they deem “unenlightened”.   Which is something that never fails to make me giggle on the inside because usually I end up knowing more about the Church than these people.  I went to the Royal Pontifical and Catholic University for eight years, after all. 

So we go at it for a while, she was defending the church and all good deeds its done and I don’t contest that.  The Church does a lot of charity work.  My point was that no matter the number of good things it’s done, I’m pretty sure that the bad things that went with those good deeds outnumber them insanely.  After all, it’s only men who run the Church and no matter how ‘holy’ or ‘enlightened’ one may be s/he is still very much vulnerable to sins and greed.  And it’s not like the Catholic Church has the cleanest track record, after all.

But, as these things go, right in the midst of my religious ‘crisis’, our house hosts our village’s Block Rosary.  It’s one of those activities that the retirees have come up with to fill up their time at home.  They move this image of the Virgin Mary house to house, and the image stays there for one week.  Families, couples or whoever goes to the said house (if they feel like it) to partake in the praying of the Rosary each night.

And because I’m the only one deemed dependable on occasions such as these, I always end up leading the damned thing even though I don’t believe in the crap anymore. 

I hate playing out roles, it’s just so icky.